Monday, May 17, 2010

A Letter to YOU

To my old self,
     Hey, I know you're going through some shit and it hurts. But it's part of everyone's existence. Pain is inevitable. You'll probably experience more and this is definitely not the worst. Some people went through leaps and hurdles twice as much as yours, even thrice as much. So don't think you won't go through this, because in reality, you will. This won't take long as long as you help yourself to move forward. :) You're nineteen and you have all things in store for you. You now have all the time to grow, to be mature, to be carefree, to be silly and to be happy. So don't just sit there thinking how bad it went and how you can fix it. Sometimes you just have to let things fall into their proper places on its own. And that won't hurt. For now, indulge yourself to life's positivity. It won't cost a bit and you will gain so much benefit from it. Live your life to the fullest -- worry-free. Someday, you'll see yourself laughing at these childish entries you made and you'll see how far you've gone through. I know you're gonna make it! =))
                                                                                                                           Love,
the new YOU. :)
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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Lessons Learned from The Dating Cure

     "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." --Despite these profound truths, loss is and will always be a horrific experience to endure. The end of a relationship -- the loss of the desired love object means having to experience raw, primitive pain. The problem only intensifies when she can't accept the loss. She stays attached to wanting the man back, deluding herself into thinking it's going to end up happily ever after, no matter how much he's hurt her or disappointed her.

     When we form a new relationship, we form a memory trace in our brain. When the relationship ends and we don't see the person anymore, the memory trace starts to erode. That's why we do actually  start to forget people when we stop seeing them.  The cliche that time heals all wounds is an actual biological reality. When we can't let go and still continue to see the person, the memory trace never gets to erode and we keep staying attached to a person, even when they are no longer bonded to us or reciprocating our feelings.

     Don't keep looking back. Ruminating the past you had with him and can't let go of accomplishes nothing. It's often self-torture. Most of us would love to jump into a time machine and redo history now that we know the outcome, unfortunately, that's just not how life operates. You don't want to face the hard, cold reality that no matter what you would have done it would have turned out like this; it's out of your hands.

     If you're trying to let go of a man, you need to feel the loss of him. it's similar to breaking a bone. it's needs time to mend and knit. If you try to treat it as if nothing happened, you'll probably just end up rebreaking it. it needs time to heal and you just have to endure the pain until it subsides. Often when we accpet the pain, it just goes away on its own.

     If it doesn't end perfectly, you may think you may think you need to go back and fix it. But you must know this - no matter how hard you try, there is no good closure. Even if he does want to talk and you get to say all things you've been wanting to tell hm, then you have to face the pain of losing him again as you both said goodbye. It's just another contact you need to put closure on, and it can become an endless cycle. Separation is going to hurt  and be hard no matter how it's done. Accepting that fact is the only way to let go.  Don't go back and try to keep fixing it. You'll just keep retraumatizing yourself and you may never let go.

     You cannot force people to want you or love you or desire what you desire. You must accept that when he decides it's over for him, you need to then work on your recovery and heal yourself instead of trying to win him back. knowing how to let go is almost as important as knowing how to love, because if you know you can let go then you know you can always risk falling inlove. If things  don't work out, as Gloria Gaynor said, "you will survive" no matter what the outcome.


 A self-help book that made me think I'll be better without YOU.
     Thanks, Rhonda Findling! =)
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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Stuck in the Middle

     Months have passed and I can say I've been okay. I've been more than okay. My deepest gratitude to my friends who have been with me through thick and thin. A week ago, the guy and I started communicating again. And been into something I cannot define. Just friends or lovers -- that I cannot decipher. And I don't want to clear things off for I have been lost when the topic has been brought up. And now I'm stuck in the middle.
    We've been seen by my friends and some were not happy seeing us being together. And I totally understand them. They've seen me weeping over that guy and now I'm with him like nothing had happened. It's hard choosing between your friends and the guy you love. And now I'm stuck in the middle.
    I don't know if I really have to choose between them but hey, what's going to happen if I will not come up to a decision? I'd lost my friends or I'll end up losing him. And now I'm stuck in the middle.
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Saturday, May 8, 2010

Emotional Reactionary

       changed.jpg photography image by pucca995

        If there’s one thing I hate about myself, it’s my being a reactionary — an emotional reactionary. I just can’t help reminiscing on what have happened in the past years of my existence, especially those bitter moments and heart-crushing times. I can’t forget those who had hurt me. Talk about clemency and I’d blankly stare at you. 

        Things change and people grow, and I did. You can now give me an A+ for giving much forgiveness from within. Hand me the hardest situation, somersault my life; left nothing unbroken, not even a single piece and I’d hug you for making me a fighter. I learned how to handle the toughest instances. It’s a matter of choice. Choose to deal with negativity, launch into a full-scale anxiety attack and let yourself suffer, and if you love yourself, bring on the positive outlook and live worry-free. It’s like having another close encounter with God. That eventhough I haven’t seen him nor do everybody else, I still have this solid-rock faith that He’ll help me through all these as He always does. 

        I have ample faith that things will work out the way it’s supposed to, I learned to stop dealing with the past and focus on what lies ahead. Ü
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Sunday, May 2, 2010

Let Things Work Out For Themselves



     When love gets tough, when it seems like the world has crashed over your head and when you feel there's nowhere to run, think again. You've got your F-R-I-E-N-D-S to back you up -- anytime, anywhere. :)

      A couple of weeks ago, there came my second real-life failed relationship. It was not easy coping with the loss especially you've known for a fact that you did everything to make things work out. Though you are prepared to do more, you need to give yourself a break, a pause and a moment to think twice before you let your pride eat you up. You have to save yourself from keeping "gravity" pull you more deeply into the grave. You have to save yourself from a relationship wherein the other does nothing to keep you -- just things to make you fall out.

      It's not being clingy, or needy, or whatever you want to call it. It's called being inlove too much that you want everything to fall into their proper places. It's called being matured enough to face the hardest sitch wholeheartedly and not being a coward, running from the hardest things love can offer and jumping over them just to escape from them.

     I'm okay. More often than not, I'm happy. But then when you're alone, you see yourself watching the pain eat your heart out. And you just cannot hide. You get your phone and text your friends, helping you acknowledge that there is no rant in this life you cannot handle and that I'm strong, I'm tough and I'm gonna make this stuff.

     Advices, they're all there. And when I don't like 'em, I ditch 'em. I'm in control of my decisions, right? Oh, I'm in control of my own decisions. So that means I'm completely in charge if I'll choose to make my life miserable, overanalyze things, what happened, why it happened, why me, why us and all regrets I could possibly think of or just choose just choose to view things in a different perspective and enjoy life as it is. Well, GMH. :))

     I'm nineteen. I have the whole world in store for me. Whatever He holds for me, I'll always have faith.Plus the support from friends and family, I don't think I'll be needing a guy unworthy of my self. *wink* ;) AND SOMETIMES, YOU JUST HAVE TO LET THINGS WORK OUT FOR THEMSELVES. =))
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