Burn

"What you said when you left just left me cold and out of breath. Guess I let you get the best of me."

I'm fine, tired, asphyxiated. So it took me a couple of days to process things up and the good news is... I can't still freakin' digest everything.

I'm getting better when it comes to throwing rants, don't I? Sorry for two consecutive lame entries. I'll be back for real posts when I finally feel okay.

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Feeling Heavy

Hi everyone! I'm feeling a bit heavy right now. My boyfriend and I just had a time off from everything due to some things that are not worth elaborating. *sobs* Praying that we can still work this out. So.. there.

Well anyway, I'm thinking of holding a giveaway. What do you guys think?

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One Shade of Red

Excuse me for my randomness. I always admire the guts of women who can sport red lipsticks. Yes, Anne Curtis! I envy them, I look darker when I wear red lippies. Sorry, but the following are my attempts to look effortless in the red shade. You have been warned. :)

Pardon for the unclear pictures, I just used my camera phone.

Lipstick used: Pop Shop in Princess Heart

Here's a swatch:

(with flash)

(without flash)

The color isn't too strong nor light, just the right shade of red. Plus it has a long staying power, even if you drink or eat, it doesn't go off easily.

Personally, I think red puckers match a nude or bare face because it draws too much attention to your canvass. Unless you want to look like flared or something, then go on put on whatever you want to your face. What are your favorite lipstick shades? Do you always wear red ones? Tell me more about it! :) 

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Manhater

*DISCLAIMER: I saw this entry at my old blog site. It made me laugh reading this. Napaka-kiddie. :))*

     I haven’t written for a couple of months but hey, im back, trying to make a nonsense freeverse poem for everyone else of you to relate with. Wish you could get yourself into it. If it makes sense, though. Hope it doesn’t sound too bad or worse, hope it doesn’t suck  that much. ;) 

"Manhater"

You always pinch my cheeks that only you adore,

The only one that soulfully makes my mind sore.

You’re the one who tucks me inside those arms,

The only one that gives me a restless warmth.

You left me alone under the cold pouring rain,

Feeling so helpless struggling through the endless pain.

With that very moment, wished I could be numb,

But felt sorry for myself I just became dumb.

For once, you made me happy it nearly made me scream,

But now it will never happen even in my wildest dream.

Not just once, you made me feel so hurt,

All those times,I have to make my feelings blurt.

Nevertheless, I can only state,

After all the heartaches I’ve been through,

I’ll still never be…

A goddamn manhater. :D

     I'm allowing you to laugh at my work. I know it is funneeeh! :))

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A Letter to YOU

To my old self,

     Hey, I know you're going through some shit and it hurts. But it's part of everyone's existence. Pain is inevitable. You'll probably experience more and this is definitely not the worst. Some people went through leaps and hurdles twice as much as yours, even thrice as much. So don't think you won't go through this, because in reality, you will. This won't take long as long as you help yourself to move forward. :) You're nineteen and you have all things in store for you. You now have all the time to grow, to be mature, to be carefree, to be silly and to be happy. So don't just sit there thinking how bad it went and how you can fix it. Sometimes you just have to let things fall into their proper places on its own. And that won't hurt. For now, indulge yourself to life's positivity. It won't cost a bit and you will gain so much benefit from it. Live your life to the fullest -- worry-free. Someday, you'll see yourself laughing at these childish entries you made and you'll see how far you've gone through. I know you're gonna make it! =))

                                                                                                                           Love,

the new YOU. :)

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Lessons Learned from The Dating Cure

     "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." --Despite these profound truths, loss is and will always be a horrific experience to endure. The end of a relationship -- the loss of the desired love object means having to experience raw, primitive pain. The problem only intensifies when she can't accept the loss. She stays attached to wanting the man back, deluding herself into thinking it's going to end up happily ever after, no matter how much he's hurt her or disappointed her.

     When we form a new relationship, we form a memory trace in our brain. When the relationship ends and we don't see the person anymore, the memory trace starts to erode. That's why we do actually  start to forget people when we stop seeing them.  The cliche that time heals all wounds is an actual biological reality. When we can't let go and still continue to see the person, the memory trace never gets to erode and we keep staying attached to a person, even when they are no longer bonded to us or reciprocating our feelings.

     Don't keep looking back. Ruminating the past you had with him and can't let go of accomplishes nothing. It's often self-torture. Most of us would love to jump into a time machine and redo history now that we know the outcome, unfortunately, that's just not how life operates. You don't want to face the hard, cold reality that no matter what you would have done it would have turned out like this; it's out of your hands.

     If you're trying to let go of a man, you need to feel the loss of him. it's similar to breaking a bone. it's needs time to mend and knit. If you try to treat it as if nothing happened, you'll probably just end up rebreaking it. it needs time to heal and you just have to endure the pain until it subsides. Often when we accpet the pain, it just goes away on its own.

     If it doesn't end perfectly, you may think you may think you need to go back and fix it. But you must know this - no matter how hard you try, there is no good closure. Even if he does want to talk and you get to say all things you've been wanting to tell hm, then you have to face the pain of losing him again as you both said goodbye. It's just another contact you need to put closure on, and it can become an endless cycle. Separation is going to hurt  and be hard no matter how it's done. Accepting that fact is the only way to let go.  Don't go back and try to keep fixing it. You'll just keep retraumatizing yourself and you may never let go.

     You cannot force people to want you or love you or desire what you desire. You must accept that when he decides it's over for him, you need to then work on your recovery and heal yourself instead of trying to win him back. knowing how to let go is almost as important as knowing how to love, because if you know you can let go then you know you can always risk falling inlove. If things  don't work out, as Gloria Gaynor said, "you will survive" no matter what the outcome.

 A self-help book that made me think I'll be better without YOU.

     Thanks, Rhonda Findling! =)

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Stuck in the Middle

     Months have passed and I can say I've been okay. I've been more than okay. My deepest gratitude to my friends who have been with me through thick and thin. A week ago, the guy and I started communicating again. And been into something I cannot define. Just friends or lovers -- that I cannot decipher. And I don't want to clear things off for I have been lost when the topic has been brought up. And now I'm stuck in the middle.

    We've been seen by my friends and some were not happy seeing us being together. And I totally understand them. They've seen me weeping over that guy and now I'm with him like nothing had happened. It's hard choosing between your friends and the guy you love. And now I'm stuck in the middle.

    I don't know if I really have to choose between them but hey, what's going to happen if I will not come up to a decision? I'd lost my friends or I'll end up losing him. And now I'm stuck in the middle.

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