Manhater

*DISCLAIMER: I saw this entry at my old blog site. It made me laugh reading this. Napaka-kiddie. :))*

     I haven’t written for a couple of months but hey, im back, trying to make a nonsense freeverse poem for everyone else of you to relate with. Wish you could get yourself into it. If it makes sense, though. Hope it doesn’t sound too bad or worse, hope it doesn’t suck  that much. ;) 

"Manhater"

You always pinch my cheeks that only you adore,

The only one that soulfully makes my mind sore.

You’re the one who tucks me inside those arms,

The only one that gives me a restless warmth.

You left me alone under the cold pouring rain,

Feeling so helpless struggling through the endless pain.

With that very moment, wished I could be numb,

But felt sorry for myself I just became dumb.

For once, you made me happy it nearly made me scream,

But now it will never happen even in my wildest dream.

Not just once, you made me feel so hurt,

All those times,I have to make my feelings blurt.

Nevertheless, I can only state,

After all the heartaches I’ve been through,

I’ll still never be…

A goddamn manhater. :D

     I'm allowing you to laugh at my work. I know it is funneeeh! :))

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A Letter to YOU

To my old self,

     Hey, I know you're going through some shit and it hurts. But it's part of everyone's existence. Pain is inevitable. You'll probably experience more and this is definitely not the worst. Some people went through leaps and hurdles twice as much as yours, even thrice as much. So don't think you won't go through this, because in reality, you will. This won't take long as long as you help yourself to move forward. :) You're nineteen and you have all things in store for you. You now have all the time to grow, to be mature, to be carefree, to be silly and to be happy. So don't just sit there thinking how bad it went and how you can fix it. Sometimes you just have to let things fall into their proper places on its own. And that won't hurt. For now, indulge yourself to life's positivity. It won't cost a bit and you will gain so much benefit from it. Live your life to the fullest -- worry-free. Someday, you'll see yourself laughing at these childish entries you made and you'll see how far you've gone through. I know you're gonna make it! =))

                                                                                                                           Love,

the new YOU. :)

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Lessons Learned from The Dating Cure

     "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." --Despite these profound truths, loss is and will always be a horrific experience to endure. The end of a relationship -- the loss of the desired love object means having to experience raw, primitive pain. The problem only intensifies when she can't accept the loss. She stays attached to wanting the man back, deluding herself into thinking it's going to end up happily ever after, no matter how much he's hurt her or disappointed her.

     When we form a new relationship, we form a memory trace in our brain. When the relationship ends and we don't see the person anymore, the memory trace starts to erode. That's why we do actually  start to forget people when we stop seeing them.  The cliche that time heals all wounds is an actual biological reality. When we can't let go and still continue to see the person, the memory trace never gets to erode and we keep staying attached to a person, even when they are no longer bonded to us or reciprocating our feelings.

     Don't keep looking back. Ruminating the past you had with him and can't let go of accomplishes nothing. It's often self-torture. Most of us would love to jump into a time machine and redo history now that we know the outcome, unfortunately, that's just not how life operates. You don't want to face the hard, cold reality that no matter what you would have done it would have turned out like this; it's out of your hands.

     If you're trying to let go of a man, you need to feel the loss of him. it's similar to breaking a bone. it's needs time to mend and knit. If you try to treat it as if nothing happened, you'll probably just end up rebreaking it. it needs time to heal and you just have to endure the pain until it subsides. Often when we accpet the pain, it just goes away on its own.

     If it doesn't end perfectly, you may think you may think you need to go back and fix it. But you must know this - no matter how hard you try, there is no good closure. Even if he does want to talk and you get to say all things you've been wanting to tell hm, then you have to face the pain of losing him again as you both said goodbye. It's just another contact you need to put closure on, and it can become an endless cycle. Separation is going to hurt  and be hard no matter how it's done. Accepting that fact is the only way to let go.  Don't go back and try to keep fixing it. You'll just keep retraumatizing yourself and you may never let go.

     You cannot force people to want you or love you or desire what you desire. You must accept that when he decides it's over for him, you need to then work on your recovery and heal yourself instead of trying to win him back. knowing how to let go is almost as important as knowing how to love, because if you know you can let go then you know you can always risk falling inlove. If things  don't work out, as Gloria Gaynor said, "you will survive" no matter what the outcome.

 A self-help book that made me think I'll be better without YOU.

     Thanks, Rhonda Findling! =)

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Stuck in the Middle

     Months have passed and I can say I've been okay. I've been more than okay. My deepest gratitude to my friends who have been with me through thick and thin. A week ago, the guy and I started communicating again. And been into something I cannot define. Just friends or lovers -- that I cannot decipher. And I don't want to clear things off for I have been lost when the topic has been brought up. And now I'm stuck in the middle.

    We've been seen by my friends and some were not happy seeing us being together. And I totally understand them. They've seen me weeping over that guy and now I'm with him like nothing had happened. It's hard choosing between your friends and the guy you love. And now I'm stuck in the middle.

    I don't know if I really have to choose between them but hey, what's going to happen if I will not come up to a decision? I'd lost my friends or I'll end up losing him. And now I'm stuck in the middle.

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Emotional Reactionary

       

        If there’s one thing I hate about myself, it’s my being a reactionary — an emotional reactionary. I just can’t help reminiscing on what have happened in the past years of my existence, especially those bitter moments and heart-crushing times. I can’t forget those who had hurt me. Talk about clemency and I’d blankly stare at you. 

        Things change and people grow, and I did. You can now give me an A+ for giving much forgiveness from within. Hand me the hardest situation, somersault my life; left nothing unbroken, not even a single piece and I’d hug you for making me a fighter. I learned how to handle the toughest instances. It’s a matter of choice. Choose to deal with negativity, launch into a full-scale anxiety attack and let yourself suffer, and if you love yourself, bring on the positive outlook and live worry-free. It’s like having another close encounter with God. That eventhough I haven’t seen him nor do everybody else, I still have this solid-rock faith that He’ll help me through all these as He always does. 

        I have ample faith that things will work out the way it’s supposed to, I learned to stop dealing with the past and focus on what lies ahead. Ü

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Let Things Work Out For Themselves

     When love gets tough, when it seems like the world has crashed over your head and when you feel there's nowhere to run, think again. You've got your F-R-I-E-N-D-S to back you up -- anytime, anywhere. :)

      A couple of weeks ago, there came my second real-life failed relationship. It was not easy coping with the loss especially you've known for a fact that you did everything to make things work out. Though you are prepared to do more, you need to give yourself a break, a pause and a moment to think twice before you let your pride eat you up. You have to save yourself from keeping "gravity" pull you more deeply into the grave. You have to save yourself from a relationship wherein the other does nothing to keep you -- just things to make you fall out.

      It's not being clingy, or needy, or whatever you want to call it. It's called being inlove too much that you want everything to fall into their proper places. It's called being matured enough to face the hardest sitch wholeheartedly and not being a coward, running from the hardest things love can offer and jumping over them just to escape from them.

     I'm okay. More often than not, I'm happy. But then when you're alone, you see yourself watching the pain eat your heart out. And you just cannot hide. You get your phone and text your friends, helping you acknowledge that there is no rant in this life you cannot handle and that I'm strong, I'm tough and I'm gonna make this stuff.

     Advices, they're all there. And when I don't like 'em, I ditch 'em. I'm in control of my decisions, right? Oh, I'm in control of my own decisions. So that means I'm completely in charge if I'll choose to make my life miserable, overanalyze things, what happened, why it happened, why me, why us and all regrets I could possibly think of or just choose just choose to view things in a different perspective and enjoy life as it is. Well, GMH. :))

     I'm nineteen. I have the whole world in store for me. Whatever He holds for me, I'll always have faith.Plus the support from friends and family, I don't think I'll be needing a guy unworthy of my self. *wink* ;) AND SOMETIMES, YOU JUST HAVE TO LET THINGS WORK OUT FOR THEMSELVES. =))

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Passing Out From the Awesomeness

It was one of the most hideous mistakes which I practically tried to avoid. Some would say I’m an introvert for what I’ve been acting these past few weeks. Why didn’t they give me the benefit of the doubt? Why didn’t they think that there is something beneath the surface? Because there really is something, of course.

I suppose some people are just like that — ego-killers and jerkinators, talking trashes behind my back. The hard part is I can’t do anything about it. I’m feeble as a chick. I’m somehow being lost in my own thoughts, incurring feverish distraction.

I’ve been there. I’ve done that. A lot of times I wished I was never that easy to fall for somebody. A lot of times I wished you weren’t that sweet enough to make me feel I am that much bizarre to you. Call me stupid and I’ll thank you for letting me face the bitter taste of reality that we aren’t going anywhere. Shoot me right through the head but I still won’t forget how special we’ve been and how hoping I am for us to be more than that. I hate myself for being so melodramatic, seeking meanings behind every act, behind every remark. Hopeless romantic, the right expression, I guess.

I tried to stay away from you, even meeting your eyes but it’s like cutting the dose of my own medicine. Everything is vague and reverted. But then, who knows what to expect from someone who treats you extra-special? Maybe it is my entire fault to sugarcoat every little thing you do. How am I supposed not to think that way when all you’ve done, all you are doing and all you will do is bound to make me feel blissful? You give me hundreds of reasons to be happy but can’t we just be happy together? I can’t help it. I simply C-A-N-T. Pathetic. Crazy. That’s what I am and that’s all I’ll ever be but you don’t seem to notice. You just keep on thinking how different I am with the others. And with that, I’ve passed out from the awesomeness of these twists and turns of my being.

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Nursing Life's Toxicity

       It's been awhile. :) From November to April. LOL. Maybe because I was too busy doing things that for several months, made my life more meaningful. Being a nursing student is not easy. We don't have summer vacations that most students are looking up to. A week or two, that's our break. And you'd rather sleep and be lazy for those weeks because you know after that, hey, sleepless nights will come. :D

        Our sched is way too unfair. Hahaha! Monday to Friday, I have to wake up at 3:30am, service going to our duty area leaves at 5am so i have to get there before 5am. Duty ends at 1pm and we still have to attend our minor classes -- Asian Civilization and Rizal. I'll get home at roughly 8:00pm and we have to work on our assignments and requirements not to mention exams for the next day. HARD!

LOL. That's me sleeping, hiding my eyes behind the klutzy hair during my minor subject. :D

          Yeah, three more weeks to go and I'm off to school. FINALLY. :D i'm gonna get heck of restsssss and sleepsss and fuunnnn and more blogsss. :)))

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